primary cancer care givers

a last year JMC got the cancer. no warnings, one pea size knot in the arm pit.
in 3 weeks it was baseball size and diagnosed as secondary limphnode cncer.
in a month the spread was unbeliveable! now stage iv lung cancer and no hope of recover. JMC, gave all she could every day to every one She met. now at only 55 yrs young, her life is almost over. She worked as inhome health care provider, cook and deliver dirver for meals on wheels, and lastly as diatery aid at a nursing home! these days its up to me as Her primary Care Giver. This past year has been too long and too brutal! I sit night after night with her and watch as She slowly and much painfully diappeares before my very eyes. I no longer go to the office in the mornings, could not possible do a fare day for a fare wage! I am drained in most every way a person can be drained. May even lose or home, but i can not leave her side for long at a time. Seldom leave the house. Something happens ever time i've left in the past 6 weeks and have to rush back to calm her fears.

i welcome communications from the out side, particularly from those who know what it is to sit alone and wait, wonder and watch as someone they love slips away. After months with this disease friends and family drift away, seldom call, even less seldom drop by to talk and prop up the one who gives every thing just to ease the pain that racks a body seemingly non-stop. I never expected the world to stop living on through this time in our lives...but certainly never dreamed how quickly everone disappears for what ever reason they may have to do so!
its all about the pt. but the caregiver is only human, has feelings, needs and desires too...with out help they waste away in side the mind as the pt does in the body.